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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.