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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.