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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.