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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.