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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.