Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.