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Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Save time. See it my way.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.