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I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.