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can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.