Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because Iām terrified of the electricity bill.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.