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I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
The word bed looks like a bed.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."