Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.