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Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.