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The black sheep always have the best stories.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.