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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing