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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Soup of the day: Beer
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...