Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.