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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!