Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
This patience thing takes forever.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.