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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)