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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
If stress burned calories, Iād be a super model.
i dont have drain bramage.