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One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
is available for rebound sex.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"