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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...