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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...