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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?