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Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.