Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.