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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
I am the bestest at the English language...
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
My memory foam has amnesia
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.