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People will do odd things to get even.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
I play hard to get along with.