Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.