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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Real friends show me their boobs
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.