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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.