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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.