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Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.