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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.