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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.