😄 Daily Silly Status
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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch