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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.