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I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.