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I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"