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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...