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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Match dot com, but for socks.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.