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Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.