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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.