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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.