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I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.