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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
My life is based on a true story
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.