😄 Daily Silly Status
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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel