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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Never squat with your spurs on
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.