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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.