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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.