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Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.