Daily Silly Status

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .

The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago

I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes

You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.

Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`

I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.

How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense

There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.

Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.

Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?

I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.

I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?

Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!