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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.