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Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.