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When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.