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If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.