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If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!