Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.