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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
The well behaved rarely make history.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I was born at a very early age.