😄 Daily Silly Status
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I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
I wish common sense was more common.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.