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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!