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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.