Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I wish I had a friend like me
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.