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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
Soup of the day: Tequila.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen