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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.