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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie