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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.