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New day, same old bullsh!t
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?