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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
Partying on my level requires years of training.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.