Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.