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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.