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Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.