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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke