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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....