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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what Iām doing.