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Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.