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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.