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Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it