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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`