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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.