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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.