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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.