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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands