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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.