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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?