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"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.