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If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Iām off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!