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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....