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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.