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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.