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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.